Way Far Away in the Hetamunga…
by OnWithTheButter
Summary: Tag along with pig rangers Alfred and Matthew as they keep the Hetamunga and protect it from the money-obsessed Catfish Art. Parody of Iggy Arbuckle, requires no knowledge of the show to read


**A/N: I am not sorry about writing this. After all, I've written **_**far**_** weirder things…**

**No knowledge of Iggy Arbuckle is required to read this, though you should go watch it if you haven't. It's kinda a crap show, but it's super hilarious and addicting. I haven't finished casting all of the characters yet, nor have I managed to watch all of the episodes, so I may end up writing them out of order (no one cares). Also, I'm keeping most of the location names the same because they're brilliant, the only exception being that the Kookamunga becomes the Hetamunga. Oh and the characters are human with animal-like characteristics, who acknowledge said characteristics (I don't want to think about whether this makes sense or not.)**

**Iggy - America/Alfred (pig)  
Jiggers - Canada/Matthew (beaver)  
Zoop - Seychelles/Michelle (squirrel)  
Kira - Belgium/Trixie (rat)  
Spiff - Germany/Ludwig (skunk)  
Stu - England/Art (shortening Arthur because of reasons) (catfish)  
Robert - Spain/Antonio (ferret)  
Robear - France/Francis (ferret)  
The Great Bamzeani - (from top to bottom) Estonia/Eduard, Latvia/Raivis, Lithuania/Tolys (totem pole)**

**Uh…I don't own this stuff. I don't even know why I'm writing this, other than for lols.**

* * *

It was a warm day in the Hetamunga, a national park somewhere. The birds were singing, the sun shining. Alfred grabbed a bottle of his favorite condiment from the cupboard.

"Slow burn, extra spicy hot sauce. Can't forget that!"

His housemate and sidekick Matthew was scurrying around the treehouse with a worried expression. "Think, _think_. Have we forgotten anything?"

Alfred made his way over to the other and slid the bottle of hot sauce into their bag, then proceeded to pick it up. _Try_ to pick it up, the thing had to weigh a ton! "Matthew, we're going on a picnic, not a six-month safari…" His tone of voice was a little nagging, but he was smiling.

"Well, I like to be prepared."

"Then prepare to be exhilarated!" As Matthew threw the bag over his shoulders, Alfred was already pushing him excitedly toward the elevator doors. "I've got the perfect spot picked out for us!"

* * *

As they trekked across the icy glacier, the frigid wind blowing, Alfred still had that unperturbable grin on his face. He took in a deep breath through his nose. "Ah… Feel that air!" Shouting a "yeehaw!" he jumped down a small lip, turning a backflip before landing and sliding across a frozen pond as he snickered. "It's so embracing, so invigorating!"

Still standing above the lake, Matthew had been lagging behind, wearing an annoying expression. "Don't you find it a tad nippy?" he shivered.

* * *

Matthew was fanning himself with a leave he had picked up, still several yards behind the unconcerned Alfred as they moseyed through the rainforest, the noise of countless frogs, birds and other miscellaneous animals filling the air.

"The sights! The sounds!" Alfred exclaimed.

"The heat…" Matthew couldn't help but add. "The humidity!"

* * *

Alfred had stopped along side of the river as it rushed by with its mighty current.

"Listen! The music of nature… Notice the overtones, the undertones, the harmony of it all?"

Matthew hurried over, hearing a faint noise that sounded like Alfred. "Did you say something?" he shouted, struggling to be heard over the sound.

* * *

Alfred's smile had finally vanished. "We need to find some place soon, Matt." His stomach growled like a lion. "I'm so hungry I could eat that tree fungus," he pointed out the green growth on a tree he had just walked past.

"Uh…I know," Matthew started, unimpressed. "I'm sorry about being so…"

"Picky?"

"…discriminating."

Alfred's stomach growled again, and as he bent over, he noticed the grasses wilting. "Hmm… These plants look kinda tired and uh…"

"Droopy, yeah. It hasn't rained for a while," Matthew pointed out.

Just then, Alfred's stomach growled again, enough to make it appear to be shaking.

"Okay, how's this? The very next place you like, I'll agree to it. No matter what!"

"Deal!"

"Try not to worry about the plants, Al. I'm sure it's going to rain soon. See?" Matthew pointed at his ear. "My left ear is starting to throb."

"Oh, good. Your ear's never wrong." Alfred set out to walk again, and as he turned, his eyes caught something. "Hey! Mount Kaboom! The perfect spot for our picnic!"

Matthew followed his eyes to the tall, smoky mountain ahead. He almost had to laugh. "That's funny! Ah, you really crack me up sometimes!" He started chuckling. All it took was once eye roll from Alfred for Matthew to realize something. "You're not kidding…are you…"

Before he knew it, his friend had taken off for the volcanic crater.

* * *

As they hiked up the side of the mountain, Alfred was listing off his reasoning. "It's warm, dry, quiet, and it's got a great view of the Het… What more could you want?"

"Something that won't erupt with scalding lava…" was Matthew's hypothetical answer. "Like a hill, a knoll, maybe a nice mound." He tapped his chin in sarcasm.

"Why should it erupt?" Alfred was quick to respond.

"Because…they don't call it 'Mount _Kaboom_' for nothing," Matthew answered, with the dramatic hand motions to illustrate an eruption.

Alfred quickly pulled out his trusty pocket…every-tool-you-could-possibly-want-wrapped-up-in-a-nice-package. "Look, according to my tree ring indicator, it's been dormant for ages."

"Exactly! It's had plenty of rest. It's due to wake up any minute now."

Alfred kept walking upward. "C'mon, Matthew, you know that's not how it works. A volcano is an incredible force of nature! There's no way to predict what it will do."

"Is this your way of reassuring me?"

They had finally reached the top, and Alfred stood by the crater, pointing out several things. "Look! No warning signs, no rumbling, no smoke, nothing! If Kaboom was about to erupt, we'd know it."

Matthew pulled himself up and peered into the crater as well. "You're…sure about that?"

"Positive."

* * *

Matthew was tapping his foot, almost creating a wind with it. Nervous habit.

"I really wish you'd relax…"

Matthew only groaned in response.

"Matthew…"

"Huh?" He stopped.

"C'mon, eat your chips and onion dip. We're gonna be fine." He handed a plate of said food to his friend, before picking up his own bottle of hot sauce. As he opened the lid, a burst of hot air exploded from the bottle. "Hot sauce?" he offered.

Matthew accepted and poured only a drop of the liquid onto his chips, which immediately burnt a hole right through the plate. He couldn't imagine what Alfred's stomach must be like as he watched his friend proceed to drench his sandwich in the stuff and eat it without even a flinch.

The lunch was quickly finished and the two spent some quiet time atop the mountain, admiring the view.

"See? I told you we'd be alright."

"I guess I sometimes worry too much," Matthew admitted.

A loud rumble and belch came from Alfred's chest. "Uh-oh… Heart burn…and I forgot my…"

Matthew was already digging in their bag. "…Bicarbonate of soda." He pulled out the bottle and handed it over.

"You remembered!"

"Of course," Matthew chuckled. "You always forget."

Alfred was quick to drop out one tablet and swallow it. Placing the bottle back down, he accidentally knocked over the hot sauce and it began to roll toward the crater.

"Oops…"

"Quick!" Matthew almost screeched. "Before it falls in!"

Alfred quickly got up and grabbed ahold of the bottle, but Matthew had also gotten up to retrieve it, bouncing it back out of Alfred's hands and straight into the gaping hole. There was no stopping it.

"Should I be worrying about this?" Matthew reacted to Alfred's gasp.

"Nah…" Alfred chuckled. "Volcanoes don't erupt just because of a little hot sauce." His words were directly followed by a loud rumble. "Uh…we've had enough sun for today, don't you think?" Alfred's smile held a tiny bit of worry.

"Oh yeah," Matthew yawned, "I don't think our sunblock will protect us," his voice turned to a scream, "from scalding hot lava!"

They were quick to grab up all of their possessions in the towel and sprint down the mountainside.

"Okay," Alfred started, "I'm convinced. A volcano's not the best place for a picnic."

"A volcano's not the best place for anything!"

Once they reached the ground, Alfred suddenly stopped, looking back to the peak, even as Matthew continued to run in place, stretching the towel as far as it would go, until he bounced back like on the end of a bungee cord.

"Why aren't we still running?"

"Because we have to figure out a way to stop it." Alfred posed narrow-eyed at the mountain, curling his fist in determination.

"'Stop it'? How? We're talking about a volcano here. A force of nature! Like you said! Forces of nature don't stop just because you want them to."

Alfred smiled, placing his hands on his hips in heroic fashion. "Yeah, well we are pig rangers! And pig rangers never say 'never'! Not ever! …Uh, let me just think a minute." His smile vanished as he scratched his chin.

Matthew's foot began to tap again nervously.

Another rumble came from Alfred's chest. "Oh, my heartburn's back!"

Matthew was quick to find the bottle of pills for his friend in the shambles of picnic supplies. "Too bad we don't have a giant bottle of this. We could feed it to Kaboom."

Alfred grinned. "Hmm…" A waft of smoke drifted from the crater. "That's it! Matt, you're a genius!"

"I know," Matthew grinned. "But where are we gonna get our hands on that much bicarbonate of soda?"

"Where else? At our local mineral deposit!"

* * *

They were deep inside a cave with the mineral secured, while rocks were beginning to fall from the roof.

"Is it my imagination," Matthew shouted over the noise, "or are the rumbles getting louder and more frequent?"

They screamed, running while pushing the white block along the track and out of the cave.

As soon as they emerged unharmed, Alfred broke the hard truth. "I'm afraid we'll have to carry it up Mount Kaboom."

"May I remind you that brawn," Matthew flexed his arm, "is not my strong suit?"

"Well, what do you suggest?"

"Hmm… Let me chew on it." By 'chew', Matthew was not being figurative. As a beaver…ish, chewing _was_ his strong suit. He began to chew on the block on with more speed that a power saw, quickly turning it into a wheel that they could roll.

"Good thinking, Matt!"

"It should be clear rolling from here on."

They easily rolled the wheel up until they had gotten part way up the slope of the mountain, where the wheel would roll downhill as much as they pushed it.

"I may have spoken too soon…"

"Push…harder…"

"I am…but it's slipping…" The wheel's gravity was beginning to overpower them.

"I…can't…stop it! Get out of the way!" They abandoned the giant mineral and ran as it bounced back down the slope. It caught them in its roll, before throwing them as they landed on top of it like a balancing act. Hitting a tree and using it like a ramp, they were all thrown into the sky, landing in a small body of water.

"I'm okay! Are you okay? Because I'm okay." Matthew sputtered out.

They quickly crawled out of the water as the super-sized tablet dissolved, sending a cloud of its contents uphill.

"Oh no!" Alfred exclaimed. "That cloud is heading right for that tree!"

"Your tone tells me I'm in for a big worry…" Matthew's foot began to shake.

"We both are… The bicarb of soda dissolved in the water from the hot springs."

Matthew sighed and began to walk away. "Let's go get another slab for Kaboom…"

Alfred jumped in his way and started to hold him back. "That's not why I'm worried." They both turned to watch the cloud drift. "Bicarb of soda creates carbon dioxide when it's heated. And those clouds are bursting with it."

Matthew took a closer look at the tree in question. His tapping foot sped up. "A family of birds is nesting there! It's too much! Scalding lava! Hot ash flows! Mud slides! Avalanches! Floods! And now endangered birdies! Have I left anything out? Because I don't know what I'm supposed to be worrying about anymore!" Matthew had kicked up quite a wind with his twitches.

"Hey! The wind is changing directions! The cloud is moving away from the tree!" Alfred pointed out. "See?"

Matthew began to calm down. "Oh, good… Scratch 'endangered birdies'. Now all I have to worry about is scalding lava, hot ash flows, and mud slides."

Alfred noticed the cloud drifting back downhill. "Your tapping! It's creating a wind current! Tap harder, buddy! Tap like you've never tapped before!"

Matthew kept tapping his foot, but after several minutes, he tired out. "Sorry, Al, but I can't keep this up."

A loud boom came from the mountain. "Uh-oh! I think Kaboom's getting set to blow!"

The alarm set off Matthew's tic again, blowing the cloud up again, but he tired out.

Alfred easily figured out that he could set off the reaction. "Uh, Matt! Your favorite game show has been cancelled!"

Matthew's "Noooooooo!" was heard all through out the park.

"Oh, sorry, I was thinking of another show."

Matthew sighed and calmed down, but the cloud hadn't gone up far enough.

"And that cereal you like? We ran out."

"What do I eat?! It's important I start each day with a hearty breakfast!" Matthew was sweating now.

"We still have lots of nut flakes…"

"Well, why didn't you mention that before?"

Alfred looked up the mountain. "Perfect," he gave a thumbs up.

"What?" Matthew followed his eyes to see the gasses at the top of the volcano mixing with the cloud. Lightning flashed above the crater, as the two watched anxiously. Finally, a small bit of rain poured atop the mountain and the volcano calmed.

"Listen…" Alfred whispered.

"I don't hear a thing."

"Neither do I. Great, huh?"

They spoke too soon, as the mountain roared one more time, before belching out a bunch of cold ash.

Blinking away the dust, Matthew questioned, "Is that it? Is everything okay now?"

"Definitely! All clear! Ah…oinkabula?"

"All right!"

The two grinned at each other before jumping up to chant (oikabula, if you were wondering) while slamming their fists together, doing a few moves and bouncing chests together, sending Matthew bouncing into a nearby tree.

"Look! The plants are already starting to perk up!"

Alfred ran over to see. "Volcanic ash…a great plant snack!"

Another loud rumble made Matthew jump and stare at the mountain again, though Alfred just put his hands on his stomach.

"Speaking of snacks…I'm feeling kinda hungry…"

Matthew pulled out something from his pocket. "Here, brought you another granola bar."

"Thanks!" Alfred gladly took it and bit into it. "Hmm… You know what this needs? Hot sauce!"

* * *

**A/N: omg, writing this only made me realize how ridiculously stupid Iggy Arbuckle is… Oh well. XDD I'll write more some time, so you can look forward to stupid crack like this.**

**~Butter~**


End file.
